Building Your Ally “Ship”
Long-term partnering is a lot like an on-going high-seas adventure in your very own relation “ship.” And like a ship, your vessel has many compartments that hold the precious cargo of your combined lives: Family, friends, intimacy, play, work, home, finances, to name a few.
Take a moment to consider the current shape of your relation-ship. Is it a luxury liner or a battleship? Or perhaps it feels more like a remake of The Titanic?
If – and before – you find that your relation-ship is foundering, consider recommitting to an even larger container of Love known as allyship.
What is an ally?
An ally is someone who intuitively knows that their soul’s evolution is intrinsically woven with their partner and cherishes this sacred connection. When you commit to being an ally, and perceiving your partner one, you create a space for larger truths to be revealed. This can be helpful when petty truths (aka complaints, blaming) begin to permeate your daily lives. Principles of Healthy Allyship include:
• Trust your partner’s process
• See them in their wholeness
(esp. when they are fixated on a smaller version of themselves)
• Stay present when your partner is upset (do not fix, blame or coddle)
• Tell your truth, including the difficult ones
• Support them in following their truth (and follow your own)
• Embrace challenges as opportunities to grow
• Be more committed to your evolution – and theirs – than you are to old, defensive patterns
• Acknowledge & appreciate your ally often!
Imagine embodying these principles and living them. If your energy/vitality increases as you do so, then I invite your to try on the following Ally Commitment. Say it out loud, either alone or with your partner. Breathe after each time you say it, allowing the words to penetrate your being. Notice any resistances you may have and allow them to surface and be acknowledged. Take your time. Say it daily, both to yourself and your partner.
Remember, a commitment is not a platitude. It is a reflection of a core value that aligns us with a greater truth of our essence. It feels good when we align with this truth, that’s why we recommit to it, again and again.
Try it out and let me know what you experience!
From my heart to yours,
If Love is what you’re after, here is the bottom line for creating lasting intimacy with another.
Tip #1: Appreciate Yourself Daily
Years ago I heard a wise woman say, “Love yourself first, then try the world on for size.” It seems it is impossible to be fully intimate with another if we lack a fundamental love and respect for ourselves.
A simple way to increase our capacity for Love is to open to receiving self-appreciation.
So take a moment right now to pause. . .
take three deep, easy breaths. . . and answer the question:
“One thing I appreciate about how I show up in relationship is …”
Now, take a few more breaths and allow yourself to receive the appreciation fully. . . Let it penetrate your usual defenses and deflection. This is between you and your heart, so don’t be shy!
If you find yourself unable to complete this simple practice, this is important feedback regarding your current state of Love-ability. You might have to start by asking someone you trust to answer the question for you. That’s OK. Use their reflection as fuel for your own self-appreciation practice.
Try this practice every day for a few weeks and track your results. If you’re inspired, let me know what happens!
From my heart to yours,